The Joy of Losing

Pick a game that is as fun to lose at as it is to win.

(This is part of an ongoing series written by the editor-in-chief's wife, Shell Presto DiBaggio, on what worked to get her not only playing, but enjoying, war games.)

I think it's pretty universal that everyone hates losing. No one is excited walking into a competition that they know they will lose, and it probably stings more if you think you stand a chance of winning and realize, mid-game, that you are overwhelmed and defeat is inevitable and, dang it!, I'm going to be sitting here losing for at least another hour.

The Yellow Rose of Lohar tank and dino-riding psychic girl fill my heart with delight. Why was playing them in Konflikt ‘47 so frustrating?

Let's be honest: your significant other is going to lose her first wargame or five, especially if she's playing with you and your buddies.

Don't let her win. That sets a bad precedent, and she'll just be frustrated later when everyone else at the table starts taking the kid gloves off.

When your wife or girlfriend is new to wargaming, pick a game that is as fun to lose at as it is to win.

There is a raging debate in my house whether Gaslands is a wargame. It is a tabletop game, surely. You do use vehicles, and you can even use tanks. Back when I didn't like wargaming and I would tell people at conventions or game stores that I did not like wargaming, my husband would enthusiastically contradict me saying, "That's not true; you like Gaslands."

Not every girl will, but I love Gaslands. I love that grungy sci fi Mad Max aesthetic. I love painting glued-together piles of junk from the bits box and failed prints with Black Flash and metallic paints. (Which is a topic for a future post.) It gives me a reason to browse in the toy aisle with my kids, looking for my next ridiculous vehicle. "Let's buy two of that one, Victor, mommy needs a powder blue pickup truck to mount my mini-guns upon."

To see my enemies in flames! Or myself. Myself in flames is good.

Buying your vehicle from the toy aisle at Wal Mart is also a plus. Your options are limited to the store's stock (or your kid's toybox), and the decision really only affects your speed. Browsing through webpage after webpage of minis or vehicles for a game you don't fully understand can be overhwhelming. Walking into a store you frequent, picking from only what they have, and walking out is a familiar experience, and if she's indecisive, Matchbox cars are cheap enough that you can buy more just in case.

But most importantly, Gaslands is a game that is fun to lose. Careening off not only the road, but the entire tabletop, at insanely high speeds is a thrill. Rolling to see if your car explodes in a crash (hopefully taking out the jerkwad who crashed into you) is exciting. Your lady can be a trainwreck at gaming and still have a fun story to tell when she fails miserably. It's a good starter game. (Although I would still argue it's not a wargame.)

And give her the mini guns and the ram to start, so she doesn't have to track ammo and can run into everything. Trust me.

Look at that beautiful pileup!

Likewise, perhaps encourage her to be stupidly aggressive in her early wargaming experience, and to be prepared to lose.

Looking back, I think the reason I disliked wargaming is because I tried to be strategic before I understood the rules. You may think, "Oh, I need to make sure she understands the rules well before she plays," but I think that would be folly (and I'll explain why in a future post).

But my early wargaming experiences felt awful. I'd stay at the edge of a forest only to find out that the forest affected my visibility, too. Or I'd forget that there was fog. Or I'd motor down a road at max speed right into a mine field. (And I knew there could be mine fields on the board somewhere, but I was so overwhelmed with all the choices and rules, I forgot.) Or I'd have some action in mind only to find out that it would take two turns to do, and that ruined my plan. I was definitely not having fun; I was having disappointment after disappointment and, quite frankly, I would feel pretty stupid and frustrated after each game.

Fast forward, and I still don't know all the rules for Konflikt '47 or Stargrunt or Star Wars or Stargrave... but I also know the rules will get in the way of my plans and to simplify my plans, change them quickly for any opportunities that arise, and steel myself for loss whenever I play a new game.

But earlier, once I developed a "shoot whenever you get a chance to shoot, and be prepared to die quickly" mindset, wargaming was much easier and more enjoyable. Telling your lady to ditch strategy, play aggressively, and prepare to die until she feels comfortable with the rules for her first few games may feel self-defeating, but it really made the difference with me.

And it's even better if you manage to find the right game that is fun to lose.

(I would also recommend What a Tanker for a good first choice, although my reasons will be explained in a future post.)

To see the list of all topics in this series, check out…

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(Shell “Presto” DiBaggio is usually writing with her husband, Michael, and drawing over at Heroic Adventure Fiction.)